More Symptoms

December 10, 2007-January 1, 2008


My nose did not feel a part of my face. When I smiled, the skin wrinkling over the bridge of my nose felt foreign and grotesque. I felt the same foreignness where my nose attached under the nostrils, and at the sides. Later, I would read, in the surgery report, that Dr. S. had had my nose detached beneath the skin during the surgery: “An osseous [boney]-cartilaginous incision with the nose attached to the face was done…” I now had pain on the nose bones and the bones under my eyes. My face had been drastically changed by this. I looked fifteen years older. Some of the structure of my face had been removed, causing my skin to sag. I now had eye bags, jowls, and wrinkles. At fifty-five, I had looked forty. Now I looked old. And sick.


The pain was excruciating. I paced around my apartment, sobbing, and pounding a fist into a palm. I researched assisted suicide on the Internet. I did not have the strength to live like this indefinitely.


In late December, I began having trouble with my eyes. I am an avid reader and writer. Suddenly, I could not read comfortably. I felt stabbing pains in the backs of my eyes. I could feel the two round eyeballs in my head, aching and throbbing. I was unable to read the print in a book, and everything appeared dim. I put cucumber slices over my eyes and rested them frequently.


My eyes became sunken and dark. The irises drooped. In my eyes, I looked like I was dying. I was so fatigued, I could barely function. The antibiotic was done, and blood and infection kept coming out of my nose. I did not have another appointment with Dr. F. until late January, weeks away.


One Response to “More Symptoms”

  1. My eyes dry all that skin is hanging. Could the drama from dental cleaning and then major unnecessary surgery do this. I think so. Mouth all hanging. I always used a straw and had one line above lip and that skin was not so elongated between nose and mouth. Now that is all filled with ones and the bottom jaw just hAngs and and millions of lines and like holes. Skin has no elasticity anywhere ( solution by doctors put creams and lotions) eye dryness awful ha e OTC drops embarrassed to go to eye doctor went to a new one and he was not nice and did not even give me a diagnosis nor prescription for new glasses. Eyes are hanging and one lower than other and is smaller. Neurologist for my hands turno g inwards sent me t a chiropractor. I wish I could write as. Ice as you.

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