May 20-June15, 2008
I went for a lymph drainage massage, hoping it would help the lymph bags under my eyes. The masseuse doubted it would because, she said, “You have structural damage from the surgery.”
Afterwards, I got so frustrated, I decided to press on the swellings myself and massage downward to help move the lymph off my cheekbones. Very painful, hot inflammation resulted. I looked worse than ever.
May 28, I wrote in my journal: I look nothing like I did the day before the surgery. I miss my face with an ache that is almost unbearable. It feels like a kind of death, to be a pretty woman, and then to lose my face just overnight.
June 11, I saw an ENT plastic surgeon at a teaching hospital in another city. Dr. P. said that my facial changes were due to the loss of underlying structures. He referred me to another ENT surgeon on the staff—Dr. A.
Dr. P’s physican assistant, C., explained to me that Dr. A. would replace some of my missing tissues with tissue harvested from my body. C said that Dr. A. would attempt to improve my breathing with the surgery. Adding to the structures would fill out my face as well. Dr. P had seen major problems inside my nose. The inner structure was deformed.
I had known this all along. I was excited. It sounded like I was going to get some help!
I was so sick–coughing, pain, nasal dryness, itchy eyes, arthritis, insomnia, depression, fatigue. Crying caused a lot of pain in my nasal bones. When I wrinkled my nose, it hurt. My nose did not “fit” anymore. It was miserably uncomfortable all the time. It felt drawn with dryness, like a tight scab. It felt twisted. It ached. It looked nothing like my nose.